I turned 48 two weeks ago, and though recommendations for a colonoscopy used to start at 50, doctors recently began recommending them to patients as young as 45. I basically cut the difference in half, deciding to have one at 46, waiting till 47 to schedule it, and turning 48 before I actually had one.
Today is Sunday, and my colonoscopy is Monday morning at 8 AM, which means today is the day it all goes down. Literally.
Does my stomach know what's about to happen? Do my intestines? Does my colon? I suspect not. Right now, they're feeling fine and ready for another amazing day of solid food, completely unaware that late last night, they got the last solid food they'll see until mid-late Monday morning.
It's 11:16 AM, and I've gotta say, so far so good. If I'm starting the dreaded chemical drink at 5 PM, that means I only have a little over five and a half hours left of not being able to eat solid food.
Obviously, as a man of some substance, I'm expecting the real hunger to begin in the next hour or so. That's when it would start if I didn't have breakfast before noon anyway. Stay tuned.
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Looked at the clock, thinking, "It's gotta be like 1:30 PM by now."
It was 11:42 AM.
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1:38 PM. Hunger has leveled out, not increased. I'm hungry, but not starving. Guessing my stomach thinks I'm just delaying his first meal slightly. I expect a revolt sooner or later, once he and his intestinal friends realize I'm starving them. For now, their silence pleases me.
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3:05 PM. Miraculously, I'm not starving. The clear-liquid-only diet is enough.
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4:09 PM. The purge will begin at 5 PM. I'm grateful to have gotten through this day of no food with absolutely no misery. I really thought it would be awful, but it hasn't been, at least yet. I had one cup of black coffee, one 32-oz. container of clear vegetable broth, and a few bottles of water.
At 5 PM, I'll have the first of my two bottles of Clenpiq, along with three bottles of water. At 8 PM, the second bottle of Clenpiq, that time with two bottles of water. I have multiple bottles of Gatorade ready to drink later on too if needed.
This will be my first ever colonoscopy, but more than that, it will be my first time ever going under anesthesia. I'm not really concerned, but I suppose some tiny part of me does remain open to any possibility. Several people have told me that waking up from anesthesia is an unmatched euphoric experience I will absolutely love. Sounds good to me!
But first, I have some time in the bathroom ahead of me. Here goes something.
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5:21 PM. Done with the first bottle and two 8-ounce waters. Starting to feel...different...like it's going to start...working.
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5:51 PM. It started doing its thing.
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7:31 PM. That went so much better than I ever would have guessed. All as expected, but the Clenpiq didn't taste bad at all, and the sitting down so long on the hard seat was the most difficult part. At 7:45 PM, I'll have a bit of a lemon lozenge, which I did earlier too. It seemed to help coat my throat ahead of the first bottle. Should be done by 10:30 PM, and will then go to sleep, as I have to be up at 6:15 AM or so. Let's do this.
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10:03 PM. Less fun than the first time. Not that the first time was fun, just easier. Even so, it was easy. The hardest part again, pun intended, was the toilet seat against my thighs. Gastroenterologists should sell cushioned toilet seats as a side hustle. I may need the toilet one more time, but I was able to close up shop in the bathroom around 9:50 PM.
My plan now is to shower quick tonight with plans to shower again in the morning before we leave. Waking up at 6 AM, and leaving the house around 6:45. Have to be there by 7:30 for an 8 AM appointment. Happy this evening's festivities have concluded. Good night.
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Monday, 10:41 AM. Home from the colonoscopy. Everything went very well. I got there early, got in a little early, maybe 7:50 or so, and was going under around 8 AM. Andy got the phone call that I was in recovery at 8:15 AM. The whole process was very simple and friendly, made that much easier by the friendliness of the staff. Thank God for caring physicians, nurses, and anesthesiologists! I told the anesthesiologist that redheads might require a little more anesthesia, and he acknowledged it right away as something he'd heard, but assured me he would monitor me carefully and take good care of me.
So that's that. First time ever going under, first time being wheeled on a gurney, first time ever getting a procedure of any kind, aside from getting fitted for casts when I broke bones, and, you know, being born, but I don't remember that.
The whole thing, from my 24-hour liquids-only diet to the prep and bathroom time to the procedure itself was honestly way easier than I ever would have guessed. I did stay calm about it all, and didn't stress the no food thing. I had planned to rely on my spiritual training, and that ended up being my focus from start to finish, from Sunday morning until today.
I think from the moment the IV went in for my anesthesia, I was knocked out almost instantly, easily less than 10 seconds. I don't remember being woken up so much as welcomed awake, if that makes any sense. I guess once they remove the anesthesia, a patient just comes to again? I dunno. I just know it was all so quick and easy. Slight euphoria, but mostly just full relaxation.
Everyone should get this done. They didn't find anything worth cutting out and sending for biopsy, and I'm done now for 10 years. Easy peasy. So get screened. 45 is the new 50. Don't wait too long, please. You'll be glad to have gotten it done early!
